my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
