I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
