He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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