how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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