So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
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How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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