If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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