Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think my vagina is haunted
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
