So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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