He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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