I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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