I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
