Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
