If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
