i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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