"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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