GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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