I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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