With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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