I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
