what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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