Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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