well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
