So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
