make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this just has baby written all over it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
