And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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