shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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