He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
