it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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