The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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