We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
