she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
