____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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