how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just cropdusted the office
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
