He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
