explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
