Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?