puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
