you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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