We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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