Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
