I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I didn't notice because vodka
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
