Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
