I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
