If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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