drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
