Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
