im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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