Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
another moral hangover. fuck.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
