I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
