Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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