Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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