New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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