some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
