Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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