Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize