I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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