Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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