Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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