You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
