somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
